Time

I have been on here in for ever, I guess it is because I am sobusy and i never have time to acually sit and type out a new blog. With basketball and school, I just got bumped up to varsity now, pretty good for a white girl. I am so nervous softball tryouts are coming up, I know I will make the team I just like to have that feeling ofwondering and suspicion. I passed the first half of high school, now I have to pass the 2nd half and then I am going to be a 10th grader, wow it seems like yesturday I was getting eggs form the chicken coop in my baby dipers with my grandaddy. We all have to grow up one day, sometimes I wish I dont have to grow up I would love to be a kid for like ever.

I guess in a way Time growing old teaches all things.

Grandfathers

Grandaddy I love you so much you are my everything, you have done everything for me.
You have right there, and I didn't notice now I have Grandaddy I pray you will be here forever, I do not what will hapen to me if you are gone. I pray that you will walk me down the aile and give me away at my wedding. I pray you will be there when I have my first child.I pray for and about you everyday.

Grandaddy, I don't think you know how much I love you. But I do love you and alot. And nothing will stop me from loving you.

Grandaddy, you are so strong, so handsom, I ma happy you cry, and I am glad you cry I just don't know why I am writing this, but I guess it si because I love oyu so much.

Grandaddy Our connection is amazing, it just is.

There is more too say.....

My Weekend:)

I had an amazing weekend. Get it a-maz-ing weekend... I went to a corn maze Sunday, I got lost but I had fun. Anyways, it all started friday, I got a new phone it is called a LG Octane it is pretty cool. I can take amazing pictures with it. Anyways, Saturday Grandma so&so went trail riding with the horses, well we hitched the horse trailer up and all we had to do was put the jack up, so grandpa so&so decides to keep lowering the trailer. That didn't work it just broke the motor, it is an electric jack so we had to manually put the jack up, wow that took forever. Well we got the horses loaded up and we were on our way, well we get there and we have to get them unloaded and saddled up. My grandma so&so has three horses, Clay a Tenseness Walking Horse; Diamond a Appaloosa/Quarter Horse mix; and Cruise a Tenseness Walking/ Quarter Horse/ Buckskin. We took Clay and Diamond, my grandma had to do something so I had to hold on to Clay and Diamond, that was a hoot Diamond stepped on my foot and Clay was getting antsy, lets just say my foot hurt awhile. But I had fun. We didn't get back home til 6:00 pm we unloaded the horses mucked the stalls fed and watered them, and then on. So it was about 7:00 till we hot inside, were it was warm, and we didn't eat all day so we were hungry. So we were sitting there thinking what we should do, so we decided to go out to eat and then movies and then Wally World. We got in the shower, and the left in the car we saw the new footloose, not the original. The new one was better, but it was 11:00 pm when the movie was over, so we were so hungry basically starving we went to the Village Inn, I was happy to see that big Sand which on my plate. It was 12:00 am when we got done, so then we went to Wally World and lettuce and tomato "fun" it was 12:30 when we got out. After that we went hour it was 1:00 am till we got home unloaded the food and go into our Pj's, 1:30 and I was out like a rock. Lets just say we had fun Saturday. Well sunday was a lazy day, we did go to a corn maze it was so much fun.

Told on Paper...Never heard in Person...

The story of a Girl, Lost in the sea of her thoughts, and writings, she was only 14 at the time thinking suicidal, cutting herself. Who would have thought that she had done them things, No one, because she was just an ordinary small town girl, with a lot of love around her? Maybe a little too much, and a little less love. This is a story of a girl interviewing herself in her room on a piece of paper alone, soon it will go worldwide, on the internet. On this very blog, this story should open your hearts on pain, child abuse, and suicidal children in this cold world, which we all live in. 

I was sitting in my room listening to music so loud you could not hear yourself talk, only loud even to hear yourself think, my mother was deaf so it didn't matter how load the music was, or the T.V. Anyways, I think to my self, sit awhile, and I take the a tons of pill, then loping around. So, I find a long enough rope to go around my neck and I tie it to this thing in my ceiling I put it around my neck. I felt like I didn't belong in this world any more, I felt like I was floating. Tears... warm tears, I was debating whether to go for it or not. For awhile I had the devil on my left shoulder and GOD on the right, devil telling to go for it and The Lord, saying a prayer trying to convince me to stop, he said That I am better than that, I have a wonderful future, playing ball, saving animals, riding horses. I felt like I had a knife to my heart, all the pressure from my abuse, my life, being called names, emotions, all of it was catching up to me all at one time. It was just to much at one time, I didn't know what to do.

BAMMM... Back to reality sitting in my room listening to music so loud you could not hear yourself talk, only loud even to hear yourself think, my mother was deaf so it didn't matter how load the music was, or the T.V.  I look in my mirror; I didn't recognize who was on the other side, from crying make up smeared, eyes red, and to think that I had thought of all of that in just about five minutes. All I can hear now is The Lord, telling that I did a great Job, I made it through the first step, I hear Hannah and Chase laughing so hard they are about to pee there pants. GOD love them, they are too great. I look in the mirror one last time, I recognized who I was, I knew what was going to happen next.

My heart was beating so fast; I couldn't even count my pulse. All I could think about then, was "Why did I just think of all that", "What just happened to me, did my life just change in about five minutes" See, people don't realize how easy it is to kill yourself it really is easy. We the People need to step our game, pay close attention to teens, children, and adults and help them but also not only them but “US” from suicide.

This girl told me that she has been saved, how has she been saved. Family, people that really care about her, counseling, pets.

Funny to think that this girl had just walked away, from what I call "A murder been saved" 

Today went great...Not!!!

Ok, I do my usual thing when I get off the bus go and see April, Christen, Matthew, J.T. and other people. I really never went to see Lance, i mean I like him and all but the relationship isn't going anywhere, just the same old same old. I really don't know what to do, other than just do my usual thing. Well right after I sat down to eat lunch, my friend Candace says Lance is going to break up with you. So, knowing me I would eat my yucky cafeteria food and go and talk to him. Well Lance is the type of guy s=who is too clingy and thinks that we are married and we should be together all the  time. Well I think differently, we are kids we are not married and we just nee to have fun in life. i mean it is High School, I am still learning new things everyday.

So, I go up to him and I said "What the Hell is going on here" well he kind of shut up and let me get things straight. I let him say what he had to say, which he didn't say anything. Lance, the guy who is always saying I love you and what not, does not say anything. He has Nick say everything, like a damn preacher, I just walked off. I said, if you want to talk Lance, then we can talk just don't go and have your friends say everything for you. Be a man and Grow some now!

Well, lets just say "Lance" still hasn't came and "talked" to me yet!

Worrying??

Well I started counseling yesterday, doesn't really bother me much. I like her, I mean i just met her so I don't really know what she's like. I think it will help me get stuff straight now, meaning my emotions and and stuff. I just get worried about what stuff I should say and not say. Cause nowadays it really is serious, I mean what you tell. I just hate being worried all the time.

I am always worrying what and what not to put on this blog, my opinions, my thoughts, stupid stuff pick up lines, quotes and non-sense. I do this for my spear time, starting to get into it more often, I always fantasize about being a writer.Not.... anyways I am afraid I will put something on here that people will get offended and say something, well I guess thats there opinion. Should I just put whatever or should I worry about what to put and worry about what people say. I really just don't know.I just get confused about little things.

So now I don't care what I put on here and what I don' t this blog is for people to read what I have written and to comment there opinions or advice, or just to say great job love it.

Aches

Headaches is him thinking of me,
Heartaches is him still trying to love me,
Stomachaches is him still alive, breathing, talking, seeing and touching the earth I live on.

Why is it that so many people get abused, and no one see's the signs that lead to help. How come they always end up getting away with it.

I am only one, but still one,
I cannot do everything, but still
I can do something

GOD.....

They way I think of things is a little different than most people!
I seem to be in a wonder land of "What If's" always thinking, my mind if always working day and night.

I thought of this earlier today:

GOD

"How come my life is so hard, I it is like everyone has an easier life than me."

GOD gave Strong people hard lives, he knew that if he gave weak people easy lives they would not get depressed, and lonely. He gave the hard lives to strong people, cause he know that we can cope with the pain, he knows that we are strong, and he don't have to worry about us. 


Sometimes, I have these's "What If's" like what if my life ended today, or tomorrow... I wonder how I would and will die..... I just never know. I asked GOD for help at one point in my life, GOD did help me but I don't know how he did it. He just magically did it.

I remember when I was little and I was innocent as can be, I had the life, I had my mommy and my daddy. It's all a blur these days, I asked GOD yesterday if my life could be the same as it was when I was little, I asked him why did it all have to change. He told me that everyone has to change, good and bad people. I told him, that "I get that, but my life now is not good at all, I love with my grand mommy my dad is in prison, my mom and little sister and brother live in Michigan with her low life boyfriend."
I asked GOD if he would please watch over my little brother and sister, to make sure they are safe and that nothing happens to them.

I often think I made a mistake, for not moving back to Michigan to make sure Hannah and Chase are safe and are living in great conditions, and have an education. I feel that they need me still, to at least have a provider, someone stable in there life, to show them new things that they can do in life. Should I ask GOD if I made the right decision.

GOD am I a good person? GOD do I need to change?

GOD

Running, Fears, Hope, I just don't know?

         Why am I running? Running away from my fears, away from my dreams, away from everything, Why am I running? I need to run towards my fears, face them to get rid of them, I need to run towards my dreams, to make them come true, I need to run towards everything, to make my life alive! To make something of my-self. To really understand, Why I was put on this earth! There must be a reason, I just have to find it?!?!

       When I find what I am looking for, I will ask my self "What am I going to do now"! I always think to my-self, what am I running from, am  I running from Fear, Hope, Love, Faith, or Happiness, or depression! I have to find a way to cope with my-self, to over-come the fears of coming back!

       Sooner or later, I will be posting parts of my Journal I have so stay in touch!

She's my bestfriend... my everything

She "comes"
She "sits"
She "stays"
She "shakes"
She "fetches"
She hunts,
She "swims"
she there for me, she will never tell my secrects, she listens and never speaks, she my bestfriend,shes my daughter,my sister, she not just a dog, she my family. She watches me in intrest, while I watch her to, shes is my protector, while I protect her. Shes my world, she does everything for me, and doesnt expect anything less than getting her belly rub and maybe a stick thrown or just to take a walk. Sadie is my everything, first thing on my mind when I get up in the last when I go to sleep.

Bus Rides

Bus Rides

My Bus number 09-07, crazy bus all we do is lugh and joke around, fights and stuff, amazing. Jaleal amzing kid little 6th grader, funny funny funny.... Well my bus is like a T.V. show, uh Family Guy, something like that, bring some popcorn cause it is one heck of a show. My bus driver, wow old woman, she is nag nag nag nag nag..... her name is Ms. Owens, big ole woman, she can be funny, I mean she forgot to frop me off at my house, I mean really who forgets about savannah, I am loud , well it was funny, she passed right by my house. Its aswome!!! This is just a weird blog.... 

Your Teenagers questions?

Your Teenagers questions?

Why do you do what you do to me?
(Too many Do's)
How come life gets so hard?
(God doesn't give a hard life to weak people, it just proves your strong)
How do you prove that your not crazy?
(Act smart)
How do you know your in love?
(When you can act yourself around your partner?
How do you tell your parents that you ready?
(Break it down to them)

My life randomly

Savannah's Life

I was born in Mississippi, my ex-father made my family move to Michigan, it is a great place to live, very nice people. I lived there for 7.5 yrs. I made great friends, had the most amazing times with all of my friends, all though I missed my family, I really didn't want to move away form my real family, I had to I was kid I had no choices, jut get in the car and go for the ride. I had boyfriends, first loves, that didn't go very well,  Its along story I'll will blog it later. Now I live in Alabama, away from my friends in Michigan, I live with my grandmother. I am in the ninth grade now, a high schooler, it is alright the crowds are big, you get pushed around, or theres a fight somewhere. i never really stayed in a home, well a house, long enough to call it a home, always moved around, just to different houses. People don't relize how a home really matters in life, I have a home now, I just don't have all of my family, My mother and My sister and My brother. God, I miss them so much. They don't have a home, they live in Michigan, most likely they will be moving form house to house, so they will not have a home. If they just come HOME to alabama with me and our grandmother, they will have a HOME!